Can You Be An Unsaved Couple And Happily Married?

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honorable in all and the bed is undefiled.  When I read this scripture it didn't point out that it only pertained to saved couples. That leads me to believe that the institution of marriage is honorable... Period! For longer then I can remember... Christian's have acted and spoken as if in order to have a successful marriage... you must be a christian. I disagree. If that is the case then how can we explain away the divorce rate among Christians being as high or in some cases higher then the non christian? There's something that we're missing here. God instituted marriage and the playing field is level for all those that enter into it under his design. That design being between a man and a woman. Please make no mistake about my stance... I'm not talking about nor does this relate to same sex marriage. A successful marriage requires two people committed to each other and their union. It requires respect, love, loyalty and faithfulness. Not to mention communication. God said that when man finds a wife hes found a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. There you have it... God has favored the marriage. He's in agreement... covenant with the couple. And there will be times that even in their spiritual ignorance... he will direct and cover the institution. He has invested interest in our success. We represent something in the earth. If marriage were not powerful... the devil would not be trying to pervert it so hard. Now where I do believe the believer has an advantage is... in our own lives. The God in us is always an asset to any situation we're in. Hes a present help, a comforter, a friend that sticks closer then a brother. Having him in our lives will undoubtedly help us deal with any encounters we may face in our marriage a lot differently then the non christian. Before I go let me address whats sure to surface. Don't be unequally yoked with unbelievers. Well we can both believe in God yet not be serving him. Or we can both be atheist walking in the same belief. Either way it goes... we're yoked with those that believe what we believe. My whole point is... saved or not, christian or not, with effort... communication and commitment, you can have a successful marriage.

1st Day of School

I have 3 boys. One just graduated last year and the other 2 have been home schooled. Well. this year we decided to put them into traditional school. It was a hard decision for me but it was best for the boys. Gerald is going to 5th grade and has been home schooled for 3yrs. Blair is going to 1st and he spent his per schooling and kindergarten in home school. Gerald is very outgoing like his dad... so I knew he would transition back in easily. Blair is stuck to me at all times... this was gonna be difficult. So here we are. It's 7:40am... breakfast has been eaten , everyone is dressed and we're ready to go. We get to the school, meet the teachers and settle into class. Gerald hugs me, kisses Blair, waves goodbye and walks away. Blair sits in his seat, reaches for my hand and ask me to please stay with him. I said I couldn't and tears just started to roll down his face. I ALMOST LOST IT!!!!! His teacher told me not to worry and as I walked out of the classroom... i looked back to see his head laying on the desk with tears flowing. This 1st day of school is harder for me then it is them. My heart is broken and I miss my babies. I know this is whats best for them so we'll just keep moving forward. So... blogs done... now I have 5 hrs until they're home. What shall I do?

Baby Mama Drama

I know a guy that got a young lady pregnant. By the time to child was born... he was in a new relationship with who would be his future wife. This set his childs mother OFF!!! She was all set to raise hell and make his life miserable. What he did next is almost unheard of. He went down to The Friend of the Court and told them he had just had a child. He said he was in no way going to try to leave this baby high and dry. He then proceeded to turn over his financial records and have child support set up. He then got a lawyer to handle custody and visitation. Needless to say this took the wind out of the mothers sail. She had no trump card. Nothing to threaten with or hold over his head. It was one of the most beautiful things I'd ever seen:-) Being a baby mama is NOT the same as being the woman he loves and wants to be with. Yes... you slept together. Yes... you shared something, but it will never be what you want it to be. He can love and care for his child and never have to be anything beyond nice to you. A lot of women that have children with men expect way too much, which is why it's so much drama surrounding this issue. Ladies... grow up and remember you knew the possible outcome when you laid down and let the nickle fall from between your knees. Men... You also knew what could happen so please take care of your children. It's embarrassing when women act a fool because he doesn't want to be with you. That's life! Deal and move on. But please... stop making scenes in public and calling other women and doing all kinds of foolishness. You're the mother of his baby... nothing more and nothing less. And if that child is taken care of by him... you should have NO problem with anything else.

Uncovered

 This morning I woke up crying. Not about anything that happened yesterday or the day before. This morning I mourned the lose of the young woman I was years ago. I was a shy person. I had always been a  little introverted to say the least. I cherished friends and adored family. The simplest things like going to the mall with my mom and aunt Shirley seemed like a trip to Disney World. It didn't take much to make me smile. To this day... when I just can't seem to get it together I revert back to the days of just sitting and doing nothing with my mother and its sure to bring on a smile. Anyway... I was recently told by some  close friends that I am very cynical. At first I dismissed the idea, but then I thought about what they were saying... and it was true... it was all true. Somewhere something happened to make me lose faith in people. I was damaged!  I couldn't put my finger on what it could be though. I replayed events in my head and... nothing! I let it go and pushed it to the back of my mind where I would soon realize I had pushed many things.

At least 2 weeks went by without me giving it any thought. Then this morning while I was still asleep. The sky in California started to cry. I was resting. My mind free and unguarded. No safety in place to hold back the memories I had tucked away so carefully. I was jolted awake and IMMEDIATELY the tears began to flow. My unguarded mind had let some things out that I never intended to remember again. I... a STRONG black woman... had suffered physical, mental and emotional abuse some years ago at the hands of another and all in the name of love. I thought I had dealt with it... healed from it... gotten over it, but I was never more wrong. This morning scenes flashed across my mind like a movie on fast forward. I felt every hit accompanied by the dull ache of embarrassment and shame. Here I am... years later. Laying in bed with my husband at home with our children and this is where my mind is. Lord... have I been broken all along?! I ran into the bathroom so the sounds of crying and the shaking of my body wouldn't wake my husband. There... in that bathroom I realized that the young woman I was, had been left for dead a long time ago. Which led me to the question when I looked into the mirror... Who are you? It may take me some time to answer that question, but when it's all said and done... I'll give who I was a proper burial and welcome with open arms who I have become. Today I realized that I'm cynical because I've been failed. By whom? By me. If I couldn't trust me to take care of myself... then I could trust no one. I believe with all my heart that God opened the gates of my mind and heart and allowed the past to flow out. I will never truly be healed until I deal with what I've been through. So today I'll cry... but not alone... because the sky in California is crying with me.

Wife Material

The bible tells us "He that findeth a wife, findeth a good think and obtaineth favor from the Lord". The common interpretation of this scripture suggest that it is totally up to a man to decide if he wants you and you just have to sit back and wait. While I do believe that there is something truly beautiful in a man proposing...I also believe that there is nothing wrong with going after something that you want. It all depends on how you do it. Back in 1992 God told me that Gerald was my husband. This was 6 years before he told Gerald and 7 years before it happened. I've had people tell me that it wasn't God because he wouldn't tell a woman because the word says Blah...blah...blah. Not only did he tell me, but he also gave me an understanding of the scripture. There is something like 7 women to every 1 man. For that reason a man doesn't have to try and find a women... they are all over the place. But the scripture doesn't say he that finds a women, but it says he that finds a WIFE. This passage is not directed to us...but to them. It is a road map to happiness. EVERY WOMEN IS NOT A WIFE! Should you however find a WIFE and not just a women... then you have found a good thing. Ladies what we have to worry about is making sure we are wife material. There is more to it then having sex whenever you feel like it. This man will need a companion, a friend and someone who can get a prayer through. You have to be his covering. Sex will get you a MAN, but it will not get you a HUSBAND. Do you think he wants someone who would give it up, let him call her all times of night and come through whenever...to be the mother of his children...maybe HIS DAUGHTERS? When its all said and done he will be with someone that moves HIM not just his body. It's easier for a man to share his bed then it is to share his life. Being in his bed doesn't make you special!!! You're just going where others have gone before and will continue to go until he meets the ONE. Intimacy is about being safe with each other. It's not about much sex you can have. After I married my husband I was allowed to go somewhere I had never been before...The boys club. Ladies you would be suprised how they talk about you and what they think about you. I have had girls tell me that they are getting married and that these men are in love with them, but then hear the same men say some of the most horrible things about those same women. I've seen men pass around private photos that women had given to them... for their eyes only... to other friends. I know more then I need to about several young women and I'm embarrassed for them, We are mass produced beings...the only thing that makes you special is whats on the inside. I spent years sleeping with gerald...we had a son and still weren't married. Finally I had enough and told him if he wanted that he would have to get it somewhere else. Guess what? He did. I stood my ground...went on with my life. When he was ready to get married... he came to the girl that said No to anything less then marriage. Over 10 years later we're happily married with 3 sons. I have a husband that loves the Lord and has prayed me through more stuff then I can remember. My point is...do it Gods way. Then you will be a wife and when he finds you he will have found a good thing. Be different...beautiful...graceful...virtuous and Godly. It will change your life and your relationships. Value yourself... Please!!! Just food for thought.

Peace.